WHAT LIVING IN LIMBO TEACHES US ABOUT FINDING OURSELVES

Have you ever felt like you are sitting in a departure lounge, holding a ticket to a destination you cannot quite reach, while everyone else’s flight takes off?

That is the quiet, exhausting reality of living in limbo. It is that unsettling space where you know something needs to shift, yet you feel completely powerless to make the move.

On paper your life looks incredibly put together. You have the stable career, the respectable routine and the external markers of success that society told you to strive for. Yet, when you look in the mirror, you do not quite recognize the person looking back at you.

If you have been waiting for a perfect, risk-free sign to show you how to make a major life change, let me tell you a story. It’s a raw, honest account of how my own years of absolute uncertainty taught me that waiting for permission, or waiting for perfect clarity before you act, is the quickest way to build a life you will regret.

The Spark of a Dream

My husband and I travelled to Australia back in 2019 / 2020. Within three days of stepping onto Australian soil, we fell completely in love with the scenery, the nature, the people, and the lifestyle. We spent weeks driving down the pristine East Coast in a camper van, and we knew in our bones that we wanted to build a life here. We made a solid, structured plan to return in December 2020 to road trip the West Coast, intending to make our final decision then.

Then, the pandemic hit, the borders closed, and our dream of a new life down-under had to be put on hold.

The Agony of the Wait

As weeks turned into months, and months stretched into years, we found it incredibly difficult to stop thinking about Australia. It was a daily longing. We knew that packing up our lives would be the hardest thing we’d ever done, but the longer we waited the more we knew that we had to try.

The moment the immigration pathways reopened, we jumped on board and submitted our application. And then, we entered the waiting room. Initially, things moved quickly, so we decided to make a bold move. In anticipation of our visa approval, we sold our beautiful home in Surrey, said goodbye to eighty percent of our belongings, and stepped out into the unknown.

But then, the momentum stopped. We heard absolutely nothing. For months.

Anyone who knows me knows that while I have a massive amount of patience for other people, I can be incredibly impatient with myself and my own life. I want the answers, and I want them now! So I knew the immigration process would challenge me, but I was not prepared for how deeply living in limbo would push me out of my comfort zone. My sense of control, my security, and my predictability had completely evaporated leaving me raw and feeling vulnerable.

Seeing Living in Limbo as an Opportunity

By March the following year, with still no sign of the visa, we realized we couldn’t just sit and wait any longer. We decided to see the lack of being tied down as an opportunity; one we may never get again. So, we made the exciting but daunting decision to travel.

Within weeks of the decision, we left the UK and headed to America. We spent two incredible months travelling the continent in a Mustang convertible and an RV.

It was the trip of a lifetime.

We saw bears, elk, opossums and snakes. We watched breath-taking sunrises and sunsets over canyons, deserts and beaches. We stood beneath towering mountains that made our worries feel small. It was extraordinary, and we built memories we will treasure forever. Yet, even in the middle of a stunning canyon or the wide American highway, Australia was always lingering in the back of our minds.

The uncertainty was an ever-present hum.

When we returned to the UK, we were sure we’d be notified of the visa approval. But still, nothing.

So, we sought another distraction and travelled to Europe. We explored Greece, Romania, Croatia, Italy and Portugal. We spent glorious days in the sun, walking through ancient old towns, splashing in the sea, and relaxing on rooftop terraces. In many ways, it was a beautiful period of relaxation and self-exploration.

But a shadow followed us.

Every single day, a quiet, persistent voice asked, “when will the visa arrive?” 

We were running out of money, and this beautiful, transient dream could not last forever.

With the looming pressure of my husband needing to return to work (I was seeing clients remotely), we headed back to the UK and took up house-sitting, as a way to create a little more stability in our lives.

In those quiet houses, surrounded by other people’s belongings, we began to do something painful but necessary. We started planning a future that did not include Australia. We were getting to the point where we were too exhausted to keep waiting. We craved routine, certainty, and a stable roof over our heads. So we started looking at rental properties in the UK and talking about what a safe, predictable life would look like back home.

And then, after what felt like an eternity, the email arrived. We had our visa. A massive wave of emotions followed.

It was a wild, dizzying rollercoaster as we realised that our dream could not be a reality, but that we’d also sadly have to say goodbye to our loved ones and leave everything we knew behind, to start a life the other side of the world.

From start to finish, the entire process lasted 4 years; 2 years waiting to be able to apply for a visa, 2 years waiting for the visa to be approved. Fundamentally, what this entire process taught me is that feeling like your future is entirely in the hands of someone else is an incredibly difficult way to live. Although the experience challenged me to strip myself bare and go with the flow, it also showed me that the heavy feeling of being in limbo is always there, lingering in the background, even when you try your hardest to distract yourself.

Are you Waiting for Permission to Start Living?

You might not be waiting for a visa, but if you are like the successful, professional women I work with, you are likely waiting for something.

You might be waiting for the perfect moment to make a career pivot, or for your self-doubt to magically disappear before you apply for that leadership role, or for absolute certainty before you walk away from a relationship that no longer fits. Or maybe you’re waiting for the right time to finally start putting your own needs first.

Regardless of what you are waiting for, you are living in a psychological limbo.

You are holding on to the illusion that if you just wait a little longer, the risk will vanish and a path of perfect safety will reveal itself.

Trading to Illusion of Research for Aligned Action

When you find yourself stuck in this state of decision paralysis, your first instinct is to search for resources on how to make a major life change. You read the books, you listen to the self-development podcasts, you buy the journals and you talk it through with your friends. But because you do not trust your own voice, you do not act on any of it. You stay exactly where you are, hiding behind a busy schedule to avoid facing the deep disconnect inside yourself.

Living in limbo is not just a pause in your timeline, it’s an active drain on your emotional energy. It keeps you trapped in autopilot, reacting to everyone else's expectations while your own authentic self stays locked away.

Stepping Out of Limbo

To break free from this loop and learn how to make a major life change, you have to look inward.

My journey of being stripped bare taught me three essential mindset shifts that will help you reclaim your autonomy and start driving your own life.

Shift 1: Surrender the Illusion of Absolute Security and Control

We are conditioned to believe that security is an external structure. We think safety is found in a permanent job, a predictable routine, or a life that looks flawless on paper.

When you are contemplating how to make a major life change, your brain will scream at you to wait until you can guarantee a safe, comfortable outcome. But my years of uncertainty taught me that external security is a fragile illusion. Your entire world can change in an instant, whether through global shifts, company restructures, or unexpected life events.

Real security is not something you find out in the world, it’s something you build within yourself. It’s the unshakeable belief that no matter what happens you have the resilience, the skills and the capacity to handle it.

When you stop trying to control every single variable of your future, you free up an immense amount of energy. You can finally stop overthinking and start taking small, aligned actions. You learn to live without your rigid operational values of predictability being met, and while that feels incredibly scary at first, it is also where your true power lies.

Shift 2: Embrace the Discomfort of the Messy Middle

When we are stuck in decision paralysis, we tend to view the waiting period as wasted time. We treat limbo as a blank space that we just need to get through as quickly as possible. But, limbo is actually fertile ground. It is the space where the old version of you is falling away, but the new version has not fully arrived yet. In my Roadmap to a Regret-Free Life, this corresponds to the deep work of owning your story through acceptance and insight.

Taking myself away and using my period of uncertainty to get to know myself on a deeper level was eye-opening. It forced me to strip away the external validation of owning a home and having a set routine. I had to look at my unhealed wounds, my fears, and my deepest aspirations.

Do not run from the discomfort of the messy middle.

Do not rush to fill the void with distractions or busywork.

Instead, use this time to develop deep self-awareness.

Ask yourself the hard questions:

What do I actually want when nobody else is watching?

What are my absolute non-negotiables for my next chapter?

What can I happily live without?

When you treat limbo as an opportunity for self-discovery rather than a punishment, you build an unbreakable foundation of self-trust.

Shift 3: Dare to Bet on Yourself First

As professional women, many of us have been deeply conditioned to be the good girl. We are taught to put other people’s feelings, expectations and comfort ahead of our own. We stay in careers that drain us because we do not want to disappoint our family. We stay in familiar comfort zones because stepping out might make the people around us uncomfortable.

But here is the hard truth:

"If you do not bet on yourself, how can you expect anyone else to bet on you?"

Making a major life change requires you to throw away the societal rule book. It requires you to make decisions that might seem absolutely crazy to the people around you. Moving continents after only spending six weeks in a country seemed wild to most people in my life. I knew there would be challenges, but I had to trust my own inner compass over the outside noise.

You do not need external validation or permission to change your life. You do not need to explain or justify your choices to anyone else. Saying a polite but firm no to the things that do not serve you, and saying an enthusiastic yes to your own alignment, is not selfish. It is the ultimate act of self-care.

Alignment Over Expectations

Surviving limbo is not about waiting for the dust to settle, nor is it about having every single step of your journey figured out.

The ultimate lesson of my years in limbo is that taking action that aligns with your truest self, even if it goes completely against the norm, is the only way to spark true personal transformation, and when you let go of the need to control every single step, you make room for an abundance of self-love and clarity.

If you are tired of living on autopilot and are ready to stop second-guessing your choices, you do not have to navigate the messy middle alone. I’d love to have you in my online community. Subscribe for FREE and get started on your journey to building a regret-free life.

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I believe positive change doesn't stop with one person. Every time we gain a new perspective, build confidence or make a healthier choice, it has the potential to influence the people around us. That's the positive ripple effect of thriving, and it's something I care deeply about.

The more people who become part of this community, the more opportunities we have to learn from one another, support each other and create meaningful, lasting change. So, if you find something here that resonates with you, please share it. Let's make this a community worth talking about, not the internet's best-kept secret!