10 LIFE LESSONS I KNOW IN MY 30's THAT I WISH I'D KNOWN IN MY 20's

Your 20s are often romanticised as the ultimate decade of freedom and self-discovery, but for many they are also a decade of confusion, self-doubt and chasing versions of success that don’t actually feel like theirs. Moving into my 30s was the circuit breaker I needed to finally throw out the rule book, let go of my expectations and start truly living for me. The lessons I’ve learned have shaped me into someone more grounded, confident and at peace with who I am; something I’d have found impossible to achieve in my 20’s.

Stepping away from societal shoulds taught me that impactful growth happens when you unlearn the expectations that were never yours and replace them with goals and ambitions that actually light you up. As a natural people-pleaser, I have been on (and continue to be on) a journey of self-discovery, learning how I can show up for myself so that I can be the best version of myself not just for me, but for the people around me. I’ve found my 30’s to be the happiest and most transformative years of my life, so I want to share 10 life lessons I’ve learned in my 30’s that I wish I’d known in my 20’s to help you go through this transition of self-doubt and second-guessing yourself, with ease and grace.

The 10 Life Lessons I've Learned in my 30's

1) Trying to be like everyone else is exhausting and will make you miserable

Stop comparing yourself to others. Exhaustion comes from trying to keep up when it means being someone you are not. Embracing your authentic self takes courage but it takes far less energy than pretending to be someone you're not so just be you.

2) Pay attention to your gut, it's never wrong

Moving from external validation to internal self-trust starts with listening to that quiet nudge in your gut. Your intuition is your inner wisdom speaking. Give it a seat at the table and pay attention to what it is telling you.

3) Don't shrink yourself to please others

You are going to meet people who tell you you’re not good enough. They’ll encourage you to fit into a mould that fits their narrative not yours. Don’t listen to them. Don’t change yourself for them. You do not need anyone else's permission or approval to be who you truly are (and that person is good enough.)  

4) You know what's best for you so stop listening to everyone else

Well-meaning people will always have opinions on what you should do with your life. But remember: they are viewing your life through the lens of their own fears, boundaries and life experiences, not yours. Reclaim authority over your own life and make sure you have the final say in everything you do.

5) It’s okay to start again; you’re not starting from scratch

One of the biggest fears keeping women stuck in unfulfilling jobs or stale routines is the belief that starting over means wasting everything they’ve done so far, but the reality is that a pivot is never a failure; it is simply an upgrade based on new wisdom. You are never starting from scratch; you are starting from experience. So don’t be afraid to start again if it’s what’s best for you.

6) Stop trying to be perfect and just embrace the journey

Perfectionism is just fear in a sharp suit. Swap perfection for progress and you’ll get more things done. Trade the demand for perfection for the curiosity to explore. When you allow yourself to make mistakes and learn as you go life becomes less serious and more fun.

7) We are all built differently so don’t expect people to think or act like you

A huge amount of emotional friction comes from expecting other people to hold the same standards, values or communication styles that we do when the reality is that they don’t. Understanding this allows you to respect and accept people for who they are, making way for deeper connections with others.

8) Define success on your own terms not everyone else’s

For years, I measured success by external milestones until I realised those milestones weren't making me happy. Take the time to strip away societal expectations and define what a successful, fulfilling life actually looks like for you. Once you know what that looks like, pursue it without apology.

9) You can’t please everyone so stop making that a priority

When you try to make everyone happy the person you end up letting down most is yourself. Saying no to things that don't serve you isn't selfish, it’s an act of self-respect. Start preserving your energy for the things and people that truly matter and stop giving your attention to the things and people that don’t.

10) It's okay to move on from jobs, people and opinions that no longer serve you

Embrace experiences and people for what they are and be grateful for the memories and lessons they gave you. Not everything is meant to stay with you for life. As you grow, your values and priorities evolve too so there will be times you’ll need to let go of jobs, environments and people who no longer serve you. That’s okay; you’re making space for your future self to thrive.

Moving Forwards with Confidence

Your 20s might be for discovering who you think you should be, but your 30s are for becoming who you really are. 

If you find yourself stuck in self-doubt and feeling disconnected from who you truly are start with this one simple question:

If I stripped away everyone else's expectations, opinions and shoulds, who would I be and what would I choose for myself?

Wherever you are on your journey to finding your authentic self, know that you are not alone and you’re most definitely not behind. You’re simply evolving and taking a chance on becoming the best version of yourself and that is something to celebrate!

I believe positive change doesn't stop with one person. Every time we gain a new perspective, build confidence or make a healthier choice, it has the potential to influence the people around us. That's the positive ripple effect of thriving, and it's something I care deeply about.

The more people who become part of this community, the more opportunities we have to learn from one another, support each other and create meaningful, lasting change. So, if you find something here that resonates with you, please share it. Let's make this a community worth talking about, not the internet's best-kept secret!